Fastest Way To A Man’s Heart

Fastest Way To A Man's Heart

Contrary to what you may have heard, the fastest way to a man’s heart is not through his stomach. It is through his rib cage. I’m tired of lovesick romantics filling the internet with blatantly erroneous bullshit about the human anatomy.

You may look at me and think I am not qualified to offer an opinion on the matter. True, I do not have a medical degree. In fact, I never graduated from high school. Still, I consider myself an expert on this subject due to my first hand experience after many years of ripping and tearing to get at the heart of the matter in the most expedient way.

So there. If you want me to prove it, hotfoot it on down to Zombie Mall. You know, it used to be called Willowbrook Mall, but we renamed it.

It’s lunch time and I’m about to crack open a human as soon as one comes along. If you hurry, you can get a ring side seat.

If you like to be scared, try Billy Wells’ Scary Stories-Volume 1 by clicking the cover below:

The nightmares include:

SOMETHING IN THE ATTIC: Norma goes to the attic for a Halloween.costume.  She lapses into unconsciousness after reading from an old book that belonged to her grandma, who was burned at the stake during the Salem witch trials,.

FIDO: After George loses his job, he decides to leave his hometown and start a new life. He considers a rich recluse an easy target for fast cash except for a sign on the wall of her estate, “Beware of Fido”.

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS: Four friends make New Year’s resolutions to overcome phobias each of them have in the coming year. A month later, three of them meet with unexplained deaths, and the survivor keeps having nightmares that they were murdered.

RED HATS MASQUERADE BALL:  A retired psychopath can’t wait to blind and disfigure a group of ladies with an exploding gag gift at their upcoming Halloween party.

THE ICE MAN: A woman and her boy friend try to convince her bridge partner that her husband is an infamous hit man with a reputation for unspeakable acts and cruelty.

THE MAKEOVER: A plastic surgeon seeks revenge for his serving hard time in prison for ten years after a malicious client bribed the judge, jury, the attorneys, and the warden.

THE BLIZZARD: The worst blizzard in thirty years spoils Helen’s Christmas holiday with her husband at a secluded estate on the very night a maniac escapes from the local asylum.

IT LURKS ON THE MOUNTAIN: Three hunters are missing and the game warden has found bloody body parts of headless torsos at Widow’s Peak. Is there really a hairy monster on the mountain or is Bubba Rexrode up to his old tricks?

COLD CALLS: Mortimer will stop at nothing to find new clients for a failing funeral parlor business passed down to him by his ruthless father.

THE TOMB: The museum director offers Brian one last chance to keep the job by finding the last undiscovered Egyptian Pharaoh’s tomb, despite ancient beliefs that doing so will bring death to all mankind.

Hark! Billy Wells’ average review rating for all horror collections on Amazon .com is 4.3!

And, check out the trailer:


I have written 171 short stories so far in my quest to exceed Ray Bradbury's 400 short stories. It goes without saying it will be an uphill climb. My web site,, includes sample stories from all ten horror story collections. Since reviews are the life's blood of every author, I would greatly appreciate a review of any of my books on and hold anyone who does in high esteem for all eternity. Stephen King is my favorite horror writer, and I admire what King has accomplished in the horror genre in terms of movies made from his considerable volume of work. My Coffeesmoke channel on You Tube has amassed over 2,600,000 hits, mostly from my "Dead Celebrities" videos. I love movies and had seen over 1,500 by the age of 13 when there was snow on 13 channels after midnight. My favorite horror movies are Halloween, Night of the Living Dead, and the Evil Dead. My favorite movie of all time Is Frank Capra's It's A Wonderful Life with James Stewart. My favorite authors are Stephen King, Ray Bradbury, Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child, John Sandford, Michael Connelly, Robert B. Parker , Clive Cussler, James Patterson, Jeffery Deaver, Dean Koontz, Edgar Allen Poe, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, James Lee Burke, Richard Matheson, Lee Child, Jack Ketchum& Jack Kilborn/Konrath.
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