Zombie Humor-Jokes & Quotes 1

Zombie Humor-Jokes & Qu0tes 1

What did the zombie say when he found his girlfriend cheating on him?

You’re dead to me.

 What does a zombie get when he’s late for dinner?

The cold shoulder

 How does a zombie introduce himself?

Pleased to eat you.

In addition, if you like to be scared silly, I recommend:

SCARY STORIES KINDLE Cover

Scary Stories- Volume 1

A collection of short horror stories with surprise endings.

The following stories are in this book:

SOMETHING IN THE ATTIC
Norma went to the attic to get her costume for Halloween. She lapses into unconsciousness after reading from an old book that belonged to a grandma burned at the stake during the Salem witch trials,
FIDO
George loses his job and decides to leave his hometown to start a new life. He considers a rich recluse an easy target to get fast cash except for a sign on the wall surrounding her estate, “Beware of Fido”.
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
Four friends make New Year’s resolutions to overcome phobias each of them have in the coming year. A month later, three of them are dead, and the survivor continues to have nightmares they were murdered.
RED HATS MASQUERADE BALL
A retired psychopath’s favorite past time is wreaking havoc on people she doesn’t know. She can’t wait to blind and disfigure a group of ladies with an exploding gag gift at their upcoming Halloween party.
THE ICE MAN
A woman  tries to convince her bridge partner  her husband is an infamous hit man with a reputation for unspeakable acts and cruelty.
THE MAKEOVER
A plastic surgeon seeks revenge for being framed by a malicious, wealthy client who bribes the judge, jury, the attorneys, and the warden to make sure he serves hard time in prison for ten years.
THE BLIZZARD
Helen’s Christmas holiday with her husband at her parents’ secluded estate is disrupted by the worst blizzard in over thirty years on the very night a maniac has escaped from the local asylum.
IT LURKS ON THE MOUNTAIN
Three hunters are missing after the game warden discovers bloody body parts of headless torsos at Widow’s Peak. Is there really a hairy monster on the mountain or is Bubba Rexrode up to his old tricks?
COLD CALLS
Mortimer will stop at nothing to find new clients for a failing funeral parlor business passed down to him by his ruthless father.
THE TOMB
The museum director offers Brian one last chance to keep the job he has held only because of his father’s legendary accomplishments. His must find the last undiscovered Egyptian Pharaoh’s tomb, despite ancient beliefs that breaking the seal will bring death to all mankind.

Finally! You should not read this book:
1. if you are afraid of your own shadow.
2. during a thunderstorm that could plunge your home into pitch blackness.
3. if you don’t own a crucifix, and you hate the smell of garlic.
4. around a campfire after dark in a dense forest.
5. if a deranged maniac escaped from the local asylum.
6. if you live next door to a haunted house or a graveyard.
7. if you believe the boogeyman lives in your closet.
8. if you believe in ghosts, demons or the Loch Ness monster.
9. if you have rats in the cellar or bats in your belfry.
10. if limbs being hacked off makes you quesy.

Otherwise: Enjoy the horror !

About billywellshorror@gmail.com

I have written 171 short stories so far in my quest to exceed Ray Bradbury's 400 short stories. It goes without saying it will be an uphill climb. My web site, billywellshorror.com, includes sample stories from all ten horror story collections. Since reviews are the life's blood of every author, I would greatly appreciate a review of any of my books on Amazon.com and hold anyone who does in high esteem for all eternity. Stephen King is my favorite horror writer, and I admire what King has accomplished in the horror genre in terms of movies made from his considerable volume of work. My Coffeesmoke channel on You Tube has amassed over 2,600,000 hits, mostly from my "Dead Celebrities" videos. I love movies and had seen over 1,500 by the age of 13 when there was snow on 13 channels after midnight. My favorite horror movies are Halloween, Night of the Living Dead, and the Evil Dead. My favorite movie of all time Is Frank Capra's It's A Wonderful Life with James Stewart. My favorite authors are Stephen King, Ray Bradbury, Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child, John Sandford, Michael Connelly, Robert B. Parker , Clive Cussler, James Patterson, Jeffery Deaver, Dean Koontz, Edgar Allen Poe, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, James Lee Burke, Richard Matheson, Lee Child, Jack Ketchum& Jack Kilborn/Konrath.
This entry was posted in Zombie Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.